Seven things you should stop saying and doing to disabled people
1. Don’t call me ‘brave’
People think that if you have a disability, you shouldn’t associate yourself with anything to do with beauty. In their perception, disability equals “ugly” or “unattractive”. Of course, it’s ridiculous. Who said being disabled disqualifies you from being beautiful? Whether a disability is visible or invisible, people with a disability can be fabulously attractive on so many levels. But you’re almost disqualified from looking good. Sometimes people will say to me: “You are so pretty but you are in a wheelchair …” It’s those small things that are really belittling.
I do cringe when people marvel at me, saying I must be “brave” or “inspiring” – just because I am out shopping on my own. “You must be so brave.” I find this phrase very patronising. Don’t say this to me unless I have wrestled a tiger or a crocodile or done something extraordinary like fly to the moon and back. I don’t see how I can be inspiring by getting on with life.
Anne Wafula Strike MBE, 47, Essex
2. Don’t use baby-talk
It’s irritating when people talk to me as if I’m a child – they spot my hearing aids, and they suddenly think they need to revert to loud, slow baby-talk for me to understand them. But I struggle with my hearing, not my comprehension. I can ask you to speak up or more clearly if I need you to!
Joshua Salisbury, 22, Stoke-on-Trent
3. Don’t ask what my disabilities are
I wish people would stop asking what my disabilities are. It’s an intrusive and unnecessary question; you only need to know what my access needs are, not why I have those needs. You wouldn’t ask a non-disabled person to give details about their medical history, so why should it be different for me? If I want you to know, I’ll tell you.
Alice Kirby, 26, Sheffield
4. Don’t assume all disabled people look the same
I wish people would stop thinking that the world is made up of purely able-bodied individuals and that the tiny minority who are disabled are easily identifiable. Not looking stereotypically blind, people assume I can see perfectly well. This mindset is something that will continue to keep us at the periphery of society, especially if people restrict their understanding of disability to a picture in their heads that says all disabled people look the same. Broaden what you believe a blind person looks like from just cane-wielding. We don’t all look the same – just as able-bodied people don’t.
Alex Lee, 22, London
5. Don’t help me without asking
The one thing I wish people would stop doing is assuming I need assistance without asking. From trying to help me lock up my bike to my food being served already cut up, it’s patronising, frustrating and can sometimes be embarrassing.
Devarshi Lodhia, 23, Cambridge
6. Don’t give misplaced advice
People say: “Hey, when is your leg going to be better?” My favourite is: “Sister, come to my church and you will be healed as God will forgive your sins.” Usually at this point, I point out that a) my disability, poliomyelitis, was not genetic, it was acquired as an infant and b) we’re all sinners and that they should be forgiven too. I also get: “Shall I call you a taxi?” while walking towards my car. Sometimes, if I’m with some friends at a restaurant, the waiter doesn’t ask me for my order, but says to my friend: “What is she going to have?” I then say that she is able to speak for herself.
I find that the general public have good intentions but, seriously, think before dishing out misplaced advice to me about how you think about my disability. Other times, I think that there’s a lot of unconscious bias towards disability and if you don’t fit the box, people just can’t understand that the box is a construct.
Placida Uzoamaka Ojinnaka, 41, Enfield
7. Don’t assume my disability defines me
I believe that feeling irritation towards those expressing disablist views is a futile act. It’s self-defeating to allow perspectives that stem from a lack of understanding or empathy to occupy me. But sometimes it’s unavoidable. It’s frustrating when people see physical disability as anything other than a few logistical difficulties that I have to be creative with and find ways around. It doesn’t define my motivations, ambition and identity, so why should anyone have this preconception?
Lottie Jackson, 25, Bristol