7 Myths About Coming Out at Work
More and more big businesses are providing workplace protections for LGBTIQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and queer) people. It’s becoming clear that when workers can bring their authentic selves to work, they are more productive and engaged. Research shows that coming out increases job satisfaction, intention to stay, and emotional support from co-workers, whereas staying “in the closet” has costs — both for the individual and the company.
And yet, many people are still reluctant to come out at work. In our study, we surveyed 1614 LGBTIQ+ Australian workers and held focus groups with 60 participants across various industries. We found that 68% of respondents are not out to everyone at work. Other studies show that this number decreases to 46% in the US, and 35% in the UK.
We know that when LGBTIQ+ people work in a safe environment, they are more willing to come out. But while workplace policies and practices are critical, the decision to come out at work is a complex and personal one. It involves other factors, like when, how and whom to come out to.
Our research considers this, and digs below the surface to examine the experience of LGBTIQ+ people at work. We challenge myths that are drawn from common assumptions about coming out and offer suggestions to organizations that want to help their workers feel safe being themselves.
Myth #1: Coming out at work is not a big deal — after all, it’s the 21st century!
Though the LGBTIQ+ community has seen big wins in the past few years — same-sex marriage is now legal in 26 countries, and around 20 have passed some kind of legislation recognizing transgender rights — coming out is still dangerous in many areas of the world and can be deadly for trans and gender diverse people. Even in countries that are economically-developed and progressive, like Australia, homosexuality has only been decriminalized since 1997, and marriage equality was just legalized in December of last year. The LGBTIQ+ rights movement is still very much in progress, and this factors into some workplace cultures and how comfortable people may feel coming out.
Myth #2: Coming out is similar for all LGBTIQ+ people. The LGBTIQ+ community and their workplace experiences are diverse. In Australia, there has been a gradual transformation in gay and lesbian rights over the past 40 years, which has also seen support for and protections of gay and lesbian people at work. However, trans/gender diverse workers have been historically overlooked. They are often less willing to come out at work due to fears of discrimination and social exclusion. Our research finds that 32% of trans/gender diverse people fear they would lose their job if they came out at work versus just 6% of LGB (lesbian, gay and bisexual) people. Not surprisingly then, 49% of trans and gender diverse workers try hard to conceal their identity from colleagues, compared to only 13% of LGB workers.
Myth #3: LGBTIQ+ workers have complete control over whether they do or don’t come out at work. For some LGBTIQ+ workers, living authentically at work remains an aspiration. While almost three-quarters of our respondents indicated coming out is important to them, only one-third are out to everyone at work, suggesting that not everyone who wants to be out feels comfortable being out. For others, decisions about when and how to come out are often out of their control. Some individuals are outed against their will, while others are forced to come out because of workplace policies. One transgender respondent wrote, “Give me a choice to NOT disclose – the reason HR knows I am a trans man is because it was policy for HR to process police checks when I started at my current workplace.”
In fact, research shows that transgender people going through the transition process often have to come out to co-workers, causing great anxiety and distress. For some transgender people, living authentically means keeping their gender history private, particularly if they affirmed their gender identity when they were very young. For others, who transition later in life, as one participant told us, “we are out merely by existing.”
Myth #4: Coming out has nothing to do with work. Our research reveals that people who are able to come out at work are happier. Compared to workers who are out to some people or no one at all, those who are completely out at work are significantly more satisfied with their job (29% versus 16%), enthusiastic about their job (40% versus 26%), and proud of their work (51% versus 38%). Other research finds that having a double life — being out in private life but not at work — increases social stress and depression.
Because workplaces are where people share their personal experiences, coming out — and feeling safe enough to do so — is about something as simple as participating in conversations without having a guard up or editing. For an LGBTIQ+ person, telling a story about their weekend could be an indirect way of signaling their identity.
Heterosexual and cisgender workers typically don’t face the same dilemma because they are part of a majority group when it comes to sexual orientation and gender identity. They have the privilege of being visible just by being. LGBTIQ+ people often must choose to come out if they want to be visible at work. If an LGBTIQ+ person feels that they can’t come out or chooses not to, others might assume that they are also a member of the majority group. One gay male respondent reported, “I am more masculine and fit a certain (jock/rugby) stereotype and so people assume that I am straight and I often don’t correct them.”
Myth #5: Coming out at work happens just once. Coming out is actually a repetitive process. It occurs not just once, but on multiple occasions. For instance, a bisexual woman may come out to her immediate manager when she is first starting a job, but also later, when she meets new co-workers, other managers, or clients.
Among our respondents who indicated that they openly talk about their LGBTIQ+ identity at work, only 17% of them openly talk about their identity to clients. Some are concerned that being out may jeopardize client relationships and negatively impact the company as a whole. One respondent reported, “During the marriage equality vote, my organization had a big client – we are talking about a multi-million-dollar client — who said ‘if you publicly support marriage equality, you will lose our business.’” Other respondents indicated that being out at work meant risking their lives: “[With] every new client, I’m scared that it might be my last time walking the earth as I enter their house.”
Myth #6: There is only one way to come out or not come out. There is a range of ways LGBTIQ+ people can signal their identities, or hide them. For instance, 47% of our respondents display objects like photographs, magazines, or symbols to reveal their identity at work. In contrast, 21% of our respondents avoid revealing their identity by keeping quiet when co-workers talk about their romantic lives, and 23% said they avoid behaving in ways that may conform to stereotypes associated with their identity group. Others who conform to heterosexual or cisgender stereotypes say they can ‘fly under the radar’ altogether.
Myth #7: People are scared to come out just because of career risks. Coming out is a constant cost-benefit analysis and requires weighing different risks. A lack of support from co-workers and supervisors, and past experiences of discrimination, often prevent LGB workers from coming out. But our research also shows that respondents are more concerned about social exclusion than career penalty. While about 19% of respondents who are not out at work worry their careers would be ruined if they were, 70% are concerned coming out would make their colleagues uncomfortable around them.
The importance of a supportive social environment plays a huge role in a person’s coming out decision. So what can organizations do to develop a work space in which living authentically is an everyday reality for LGBTIQ+ workers? Leadership makes all the difference. Our research reveals that respondents whose leaders publicly support LGBTIQ+ issues are 50% more likely to be out to everyone at work. We recommend leaders who want to create an LGBTIQ+ inclusive culture:
Develop a working partnership with leaders who have a different sexual orientation or gender identity than your own. This will help you learn, champion change, and challenge your assumptions.
Make LGBTIQ+ inclusion visible in your organization. You can show support by displaying rainbow flags or other inclusive symbols, asking HR to create a diversity group for LGBTIQ+ people to connect and share their experiences, or developing a network of staff allies.
Learn about all members of the LGBTIQ+ community. This means not just LGB people, but also people who are trans or gender diverse, who have an intersex variation, or who are pansexual.
Check your assumptions to see if they hinder LGBTIQ+ inclusion. For instance, assumptions like: everyone is straight; everyone prefers binary pronouns; coming out is a purely personal issue, and not a workplace issue; this person must be LGBTIQ+ because of how they look, sound, dress, or behave; it’s ok to ‘out’ someone.
Avoid non-inclusive or presumptuous language, like “that’s so gay,” asking women about their “husbands” and men about their “wives,” or assigning someone a gender pronoun. If you see someone participating in these behaviors, confront them. When you do so, that person will be less likely to do it again and they will also be more likely to change their views on what is appropriate behavior — as will any bystanders.
Finally, we should point out that it’s not just about leadership. Organizational policies and strategies that recognize the specific needs of, and sometimes just the existence of LGBTIQ+ people, are also key to establishing an inclusive environment.
We recommend organizations:
Include sexual orientation, gender identity, and intersex status in diversity and inclusion policies; have transition policies and supports in place for staff who are trans or gender diverse; make sure parental leave policies recognize LGBTIQ+ people.
Review workplace forms to ensure that they are inclusive, and have an option for people who don’t identify as male or female.
Make some bathrooms gender-neutral, and introduce gender-neutral dress codes if your company has dress codes.
LGBTIQ+ people can be themselves and have a real choice about coming out at work when their employer and people at work are supportive. Being aware of the common assumptions and the challenges people face is the first step toward building a work environment that is inclusive and safe for LGBTIQ+ people.