The Power Of Listening - The Number One Skill For Managers
“Listen to your heart” is not only the name of a chart-topping ballad (by Swedish pop music group Roxette), but also very popular advice when it comes to making decisions in life. As so many well-intentioned pieces of advice, it’s easier said than done. What does it actually mean to truly listen? Is it possible to learn this much underrated skill, and if yes, how? And why is it so important to master this skill when you’re a manager?
First things first, to be able to listen to someone, you need two well-functioning ears and of course another person who you’re interacting with. There’s of course the option of you talking to yourself, but we’ll come to that later.
Hearing vs Listening
In general, we don’t need to push any particular button to listen to our interlocutor, it comes naturally. However, there’s a big difference between hearing what the other person says and genuinely listening to the person. According to Albert Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 Rule, words only account for 7% of the overall message that we hear and 38% accounts for the tone of voice and 55% for the body language. As you can see, communication and listening in particular isn’t as easy and natural as it might seem at first glance.
Four ears principle
Moreover, it’s not only about what the person actually says (facts), but also about the perspective the person has and who they are (self-revelation), how the sender of the message relates to the other person (relationship) and of course the underlying intention the speaker has (appeal).
For a better understanding, here’s a graphic that shows all the four sides of communication. Friedemann Schulz von Thun created this model, which is sometimes also called the four-ears model of communication. It beautifully illustrates that we’re not listening with only one ear, but with four!
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Listen carefully
Be aware that there’s always noise interrupting a conversation as well. This noise can come in different shapes and forms. Sometimes it can be actual noise when you’re in loud surroundings, sometimes it can be your thoughts or assumptions, and sometimes it’s a feeling or an emotion that you’re experiencing that might have nothing to do with the topic at hand. The more you train your listening skills, the more you will be able to filter the noise from the actual conversation. And as mentioned earlier, it’s not only about what the person is saying, but also how they say it and how they speak with their body.
Ripple effect
Listening to your team members and employees will make you a well-appreciated and respected manager. You’ll reap the fruits of your efforts in no time, because your employees will feel appreciated, heard and seen, and isn’t this what we all long for in the end? As a consequence, your employees will be more engaged, and it’s no surprise that engaged employees are also more productive and motivated to come to work and give their best.
Words have power
This brings us back to you and how you talk to yourself. Yes, we all have those internal dialogues with ourselves. Sometimes there’s a critical voice and other times it’s a caring and compassionate voice. Unfortunately, the latter is often not as determined and loud as the critical voice. Observe what kind of messages these voices transmit and do a little reality check from time to time to see if what they say is really true.
Once you manage to listen better to yourself and determine what is really true, you’ll see that it will also be much easier to treat your employees with compassion and empathy. Leading by example is after all a skill that one cannot deny.
If you model being a good listener, your employees will follow and do the same. Consequently, you will not only change the relationship you have with your employees, but also the relationships between your employees. Like that a true culture change can happen and everyone will be able to listen to their heart.