Immerse in the Uncomfortable
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” When it comes to exploring unconscious bias, embracing discomfort is a major factor. In many cases, the challenge is discomfort itself.
Let’s face it—most people are not comfortable talking about race and other topics that typically comprise bias. That’s precisely why we need to have these conversations, though. It’s the very discomfort of the subject itself that necessitates the need to confront it—no matter how awkward it may be.
Author Dana Brownlee who frequently writes about racism, said, “I firmly believe that a critical first step to addressing racial injustice is embracing the difficult conversations and uncomfortable truths that we’ve become too accustomed to avoiding.” This is true not just of confronting racial disparity, but all kinds of prejudices each of us harbors, no matter how deeply buried.
Whether we unconsciously feel a particular bias against people who have a different skin color than ours or unwittingly treat people of other sexual orientations less deferentially, we all harbor prejudices we’ve carried our entire adult lives. Opening up and discussing those feelings can be challenging. No one wants to feel as if they’re confessing to bigotry. But we have to begin somewhere.
Starting the process of talking about bias can open up deep parts we spend most of our time keeping hidden—even from ourselves. But facing that discomfort is part of the process. And once we start opening up, it becomes easier—some people even relish the cathartic experiences they’ve had during unconscious bias training.
Think about the first time you did Karaoke. You may have been more than a little hesitant. After all, getting up on stage and singing in front of a group of strangers can be awfully intimidating. Delving into bias training can be similar. Granted, it may not be as much fun, but opening up and sharing experiences can be richly rewarding—even more so than singing to a roomful of strangers.
Of course, becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable can also depend on having the right facilitator. Having someone who can put you at ease, ensure that there is no judgment in the room and handle delicate topics tactfully and with humor can make all the difference between a positive discussion on bias versus a negative one.
And to be sure, having others willing to open up about their deepest feelings can make us comfortable as well. There has to be a large measure of trust in the room for any unconscious bias discussion to be successful.
You may never be entirely comfortable talking about your biases, but learning to embrace your own discomfort is a start. Taking a leap of faith can be difficult, but it can also open a world to you and help you and your colleagues become closer, more empathetic, and more even productive.
Here are some tips for getting comfortable with the uncomfortable:
Don’t turn away from feelings of discomfort. It’s better to, embrace the feelings that come up and understand that they are natural human emotions and thoughts.
Be cognizant of your unconscious thoughts: Ask yourself if what you are thinking is true and how you know.
Welcome the discomfort as a potentially “positive source for growth and get curious in the face of the unknown.”
When facing uncertainty, get in touch with your “personal Accelerators” including “courage, connection, and compassion.” At the same time, experts recommend managing your “Hijackers” such as being too controlling, competitive or pleasing. Personal accelerators are those attributes that help us feel more empathetic, while “hijackers” keep us from feeling empathy. Accelerators speed us to positive feelings while hijackers disrupt those feelings by blocking or disrupting them with more negative thinking.
Learn more about why embracing the uncomfortable is an important step toward confronting your own biases—and how to overcome that discomfort in the right atmosphere.